100 Things: A Road Not Taken

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An Econ Teacher Gave His Senior High School Students His Personal List Of Wisest Words. And They Make A Lot Of Sense.

    1. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them.
    2. Never cancel dinner plans by text message.
    3. Don’t knock it till you try it.
    4. If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck.
    5. Always use “we” when referring to your home.
    6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.
    7. Don’t underestimate free throws in a game of HORSE.
    8. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
    9. Don’t dumb yourself down.
    10. You only get one chance to notice a new haircut.
    11. If you’re staying more than one night, unpack.
    12. Never park in front of a bar.
    13. Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly.
    14. Keep a picture of your first fish, first car, and first girl/boyfriend.
    15. Hold your heroes to a high standard.
    16. A suntan is earned, not bought.
    17. Never lie to your doctor.
    18. All guns are loaded.
    19. Don’t mention sunburns. Believe me, they know.
    20. The best way to show thanks is to wear it. Even if it’s only once.
    21. Take a vacation of your cell phone, internet, and TV once a year.
    22. Don’t fill up on bread, no matter how good.
    23. A handshake beats an autograph.
    24. Don’t linger in the doorway. In or out.
    25. If you choose to go in drag, don’t sell yourself.
    26. If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature.
    27. Never get your haircut the day of a special event.
    28. Be mindful of what comes between you and the Earth. Always buy good shoes, tires and sheets.
    29. Never eat lunch at your desk if you can avoid it.
    30. When you‘re with new friends, don’t just talk about old friends.
    31. Eat lunch with the new kids.
    32. When traveling, keep your wits about you. No matter where you are.
    33. It’s never too late for an apology.
    34. Don’t pose with booze. It’s unbecoming.
    35. If you have the right of way, TAKE IT.
    36. You don’t get to choose your own nickname.
    37. When you marry someone, remember you marry their entire family.
    38. Never push someone off a dock.
    1. Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she is pregnant.
    1. It’s not enough to be proud of your ancestry, live up to it.
    2. Don’t make a scene.
    3. When giving a thank you speech, short and sweet is best.
    4. Know when to ignore the camera.
    5. Never gloat.
    6. Invest in great luggage.
    7. Make time for your mother on your birthday. It’s a special day for her too.
    8. When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser.
    9. Give credit. Take blame.
    10. Sympathy is a crutch. Never fake a limp.
    11. Suck it up every now and then.
    12. Never be the last one in the pool.
    13. Don’t stare.
    14. Address everyone that carries a firearm professionally.
    15. Stand up to bullies. You only have to do it once.
    16. If you‘ve made your point, stop talking.
    17. Admit it when you‘re wrong.
    18. If you offer to help don’t quit until the job is done.
    19. Look people in the eye when you thank them.
    20. Thank the bus driver.
    21. Never answer the phone at the dinner table.
    22. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.
    23. Know at least one good joke.
    24. Don’t boo. Even the ref is somebody’s son.
    25. Know how to cook one good meal.
    26. Learn to drive manual/stick shift.
    27. Be cool to younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime.
    28. It’s okay to go to the movies by yourself.
    29. Dance with your mother/father.
    30. Don’t lose your cool. Especially at work.
    31. Always thank the host.
    32. If you don’t understand, ask before it’s too late.
    33. Know the size of your boyfriend/girlfriend’s clothes.
    34. There is nothing wrong with a plain t-shirt.
    35. Be a good listener. Don’t just take your turn to talk.
    36. Keep your word.
    37. In college always sit near the front. You‘ll stand our immediately and come grade time it will come in handy.
    38. Carry your mother’s bags. She carried you for 9 months.
    39. Be patient with airport security. They are just doing their job.
    40. Don’t be the talker in a movie.
    41. The opposite sex likes people who shower.
    42. You are what you do. Not what you say.
    43. Learn to change tire.
    44. Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them.
    45. An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it.
    46. Don’t litter.
    47. If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important.
    48. You won’t always be the strongest or fastest. But you can‘t be the toughest.
    49. Never call someone before or after 9am and 9pm.
    50. Buy the orange properties in Monopoly.
    51. Make the little things count.
    52. Always wear a bra to work.
    53. There is a fine line between looking sultry and slutty. Find it.
    1. You’re never too old to need your Mom.
    1. Ladies, if you make the decision to wear heels on the first date commit to keeping them on and keeping your trap shut about how much your feet kill.
    1. Know the words to your national anthem.
    2. Your dance moves might not be the best, but I promise making a fool of yourself is more fun than sitting on the bench alone.
    3. Smile at strangers.
    4. Make Goals.
    5. Being old is not dictated by your bedtime.
    6. If you HAVE to fight, punch first and punch hard.

Six word stories

A series of satire on India
Female foeticide: It’s a girl? We’ll try again.
Eve-teasing: Hear snide remark? Ignore. Keep walking.
Rape: Raped. Body recovered. Soul scarred forever.
Rape: “Call them brothers” -(Un)holy Indian saint
Indian Education System: Mug it up. Don’t ask why.
Indian politicians on Indian soldiers’ death:Soldiers died? That’s what they do.
Dowry system: Our son = Your daughter + 5 crores
Giving back to the community: ‘Twas everybody’s job. Nobody did it.
Why India is in a mess in general: Actors, Politicians, Cricketers >>> Teachers, Doctors, Soldiers
Excuse for current incompetency: Our ancestors this. Our ancestors that.
Arranged marriage concept: NO DATING! Sleeping with stranger? Fine.

Answer by Deepak Mehta to What are some of the best ‘six word stories’ ever?

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Some things you should avoid doing in your first 30 years of life.

Avoid not failing. As in, you SHOULD fail.
Fail a lot.
Fail in love
Fail in work
Fail in friends
Fail in family
Fail in self-awareness
Fail in self-esteem

You won’t have to try, these failures will happen naturally. Let them happen, do not live in fear of them. Let them drag you down to the depths of your worst nightmares, to places dark and suffocating and endless. Don’t worry, it will not be endless. You will survive.  Slowly, piece by piece, day by day you will lift yourself up and rebuild into something new, better, different.Then, with strength in your heart and peace in your mind, say hello to your new self.And gird your loins for your 30s, because that is when the fun starts.

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Date a girl who reads

You should date a girl who reads.
Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes, who has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she has found the book she wants. You see that weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a secondhand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow and worn.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry and in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who read understand that all things must come to end, but that you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

-Rosemarie Urquico

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